The lyrics to‘Jesse’s girl’ seemed overly ironic in my situation. I had come to the starkrealisation when I was watching her vomit her guts up after one too manytequila shots. It wasn’t me holding her hair back, it was her boyfriend, Jesse.Her head in the toilet making God-awful noises while he gripped her wild maneof blonde curls in his fist, holding it back so no chunks were caught in it. Hewould rub slow circles on her back, soothingly, but I could see every time hishand brushed over her bra strap, the slight bump as his fingers came in contactwith it. He knelt on the cold bathroom floor too, drunk himself. Her handsgripped the edges of the toilet bowl meaning she didn’t have a free one to hikedown her dress which had ridden up to expose the bottom of her red panties. Itried not to look at how lacy they were or that they only seemed to cover halfher cheeks. Jesse didn’t seem to notice either and when he eventually pickedher up in his arms to take her to bed the situation worsened, at least for me.I tried to pretend those pangs were just from the alcohol, but when he laid herdown on his bed and curled around her I couldn’t help wishing it was me doingthat.
“Sam,” Jesse said. I looked up from where I’d been leaning on thedoorframe, watching them. “You couldn’t get us a glass of water, could you?” Inodded mutely, walking with folded arms to the kitchen to fill a tumbler withice cold water. When I returned Jesse had thrown a blanket over her. Herringlets splayed across the pillow and her full lips were slightly parted asshe slept. She looked so peaceful.
Ihanded the glass to Jesse who took a grateful sip before placing it on hisbedside table and bending his body around hers once more.
“Thanks,man,” he said, closing his eyes to indicate he was going to sleep. I walked outof the room and down the hall to the lounge where Marissa slept on the sofa.
“Move over,” I whispered, nudging her awake. She groggily opened hereyes, frowned but shuffled forward on the couch so I could clamber behind her.Grabbing my hand she placed it around her stomach, wriggling so her back waspressed against my front.
“Night babe,” she whispered. I kissed the back of neck once and buriedmy face amongst her jet black hair.
I couldn’t get to sleep though. Marissa’s breathingeventually became deep and even, so trying not to joggle her awake I eased outfrom behind her and padded barefoot to the study.
We’d drunk a lot that night but with the sudden realisation I was inlove with someone who wasn’t my girlfriend I felt a good whisky or two wasdefinitely in order. Jesse was one of those pretentious people who loved a goodwhiskey or scotch so he’d bought a mahogany cabinet with glass doors just forthe occasion. It sat proudly, containing bottles of Jack Daniels, Red LabelJohnny Walker and other brands I hadn’t heard of. I figured he owed me oneseeing as he got to sleep with the girl I loved. I grabbed one of hisgrandfather’s crystal glasses, topped it up considerably and went out to thebalcony.
Jesse had money, but most of it came from the investment properties hisgrandfather had owned which had then passed on to Jesse when he’d died. Jessenow lived in a gorgeous apartment on the fortieth floor of a tall building nearMilson’s Point in Sydney. He overlooked Sydney Opera House and the Harbourbridge and at 1am in the morning it was remarkably serene. The breeze was slightlycold but after my first few sips of whiskey I didn’t notice.
Ijerked awake suddenly to someone saying my name. I hadn’t even realised I’dgone to sleep on the outside lounge. She was standing next to the lounge,looking at me in puzzlement.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked, wrapping Jesse’s hooded jacketaround her and folding her arms.
“Icouldn’t sleep,” I replied, before realising how stupid this soundedconsidering she had woken me up.
“Meneither,” she replied, sitting down next to me and curling her legs up.
“You seemed pretty out of it a few hours I go.” She grimaced.
“Urgh, I haven’t been that drunk in ages. Thank God it all came up. Nohangover yet though, I think I’m still a little tipsy.”
“Want another drink?” I asked, passing her my glass still half-filledwith whiskey. She took it without saying a word and had a sip.
“Isn’t this Jesse’s whiskey?” she asked after about a minute, almostaccusatorily.
Icouldn’t exactly tell her why I’d taken it so I shrugged in a non-committalway.
“Iguess it can just be our secret,” she said, taking another sip. Her lips partedto let the glass in and the amber liquid flowed down her throat, her neckmoving slightly as she swallowed. A drop was left on her bottom lip and hertongue slid out slowly to taste it. She smiled and handed the glass back to me.
“Did you have a good time tonight?” she asked, leaning back into thecouch and stretching her legs along it, closer to me. Her legs were bare and inthe darkness that is 3.30am (according to my watch) they looked a deep caramelcolour. Jesse’s jacket barely covered the top of her thighs. I wrenched mythoughts away to what lay underneath to look at her, and nodded.
“Yeah, it was fun. Your friends are awesome.”
“Marissa seems cool too. How long have you guys been together for?”
“Just over a year,” I said, although it was a struggle. I didn’t want totalk about Marissa.
“You must really love her.” I shrugged again, trying to break her eyecontact and forcing my lips shut.
“Itmust be nice to really love someone,” she said, gazing off into the distance.“Sometimes I’m not sure if Jesse really loves me. I’m not sure I really lovehim though. Do you think he loves me?” I shrugged again.
“Come on, Sam. You’re one of his best friends, surely you would knowwhat’s going on in his mind.”
“Ihonestly don’t know, we don’t talk about that kind of thing.” She sighed andclosed her eyes. I saw goosebumps start to appear along her legs. I unzipped myjacket and draped it across her knees. She smiled at me, one blonde ringletflying across her face. I longed to reach over and tuck it behind her ear, thengrasp her cheek and bring her head towards mine, touching my lips to hers,feeling her tongue caress my own…
I snapped out of my daydream asshe sidled closer, snuggling up to my left side in an effort to keep warm.
“Iknow we haven’t known each other for very long,” she started. “But I feelreally comfortable around you, Sam.”
“Likewise,” I replied, although atthat moment I was anything but. The feel of her body against mine had mestruggling to keep a hard-on at bay and I had to concentrate on my breathing.She leaned her head on my shoulder, bringing her knees up under my jacket andwrapping her arms around them. For something to do I had another large sip ofthe whiskey. We sat like that for several moments.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Why do you ask?”
“The pulse in your neck is goingcrazy.” She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine. I shrugged again,although that was harder as her head was still semi on my shoulder. Shecontinued to hold my gaze, placing a hand on my chest, over my heart. Both sheand I could feel it start pumping faster at her touch and I tried to close myeyes and steady my breathing, but with the realisation tonight that I was inlove with this woman next to me did little to tame any emotion. I trieddesperately to rationalise in my head. She’s Jesse’s girlfriend, I’ve known himmy whole life. I have a girlfriend, Marissa, who is beautiful and lovely andkind and generous and fun in the sack. Everything I look for in a woman. So whydoes this blonde beauty torture me so? Why do I want to wake up to her tomorrowmorning? Why do I want to make her coffee every day and watch the newstogether? Why am I struggling to control the animal instinct within me that istelling me to fuck this gorgeous specimen senseless?
She sighed heavily and pulled her handaway from my chest, tucking it between her thighs to keep warm. We stayed likethat for a long time. My breathing was now in control but I couldn’t get myheart to slow down. I was hyper aware of every breath she took, the slight hintof coconut that would float through the air when the breeze was just right, theslight shifting of her legs so that they now pressed against my hip and thigheven more. Her head remained on my shoulder and her hands didn’t touch me again.
Thesound of the door to the balcony sliding open made me jump. I had been lockedin my own little world, imagining the many scenarios between me and this girl.
“Babe?”
Shemoved her head from my shoulder, turning it to see who had called. Jesse stoodthere look quizzically at us. I saw her smile at him and there was a suddenrush of cold air when she stood up to go to him. She handed back my jacket witha smile and I watched Jesse slip his arm around her waist to lead her backinside. She didn’t look back, even though I couldn’t stop staring.
Ibroke up with Marissa two weeks later. It was awful. She cried a lot, sheslapped me (which hurt a lot more than the movies make it out to) and then whenshe’d finally calmed down she had a blank look in her eyes, one I don’t thinkI’d seen before and one I never wanted to see again. So I left. I walked out ofher house and I haven’t seen her since. From my Facebook stalking of herfriend’s profiles (she deleted me at once) she seems to be doing well. Therewas even one photo with a long haired guy. They looked quite snug and I felt apang of jealousy before I remembered I was the one who’d broken up with her.
Isaw Jesse a few times in the next few months, but it was always fleeting, nevera good old catch up like last time. I only saw her once with him, but shedidn’t look at me, instead waved half-heartedly and quickly drove away. Guessshe doesn’t feel as close to me as she did that night. I kept going with life,but I hated the fact that I was still in love with her. Every photo I saw onJesse’s Facebook had me staring at her until my eyes hurt, memorising everyphoto and outline of her body, face, hair. Or else I was furiously jerking offwhile playing scenarios in my head, all involving her. I couldn’t help it. Itwas as if something had taken over and made me feel things I’d never felt, dothings I’d never done and I hated my own vulnerability and the sudden inabilityto find pleasure in sleeping with other women. Although I tried, multiple timesa week, but nothing worked. I’m embarrassed to admit that she became a bit ofmy obsession and most nights would see me trying to expel this emotions andfeelings out of me.
Around four months later I got a text from Jesse asking me around forbeer and pizza. I hadn’t properly seen him in ages so I thought it would benice to get back in touch. I replied yes and later that night buzzed his numberwith a case of beer under my arm. No one answered. I buzzed again. Stillnothing.
“You trying to get in?” a voice behind me asked. The dumpy old womanbehind me was laden down with shopping bags, scrambling around in her pocketsfor her keys.
“Yes please,” I replied. She nodded without saying anything, located herkeys after dumping the contents on to the ground and opened the door. I grabbeda few of her shopping bags that she’d dropped and said “where to?” The oldwoman smiled at me, a genuine smile like she hadn’t seen kindness in a longtime.
“Level 3,” she replied. I held the door open with my foot and followedafter her, trying not to look like I was struggling with the plastic bag fullof milk. It was digging painfully into my fingers. We stood in the lift side byside, not speaking until the doors pinged open at level 3. She opened number 12and ushered me in, pointing to the kitchen table to put the bags down.
“Thank you so much for the help,” shesaid, genuinely smiling at me again. I shrugged and gave a half smile back.
“Have a good rest of your day,” I said as I walked back out, shuttingthe door behind me and waiting at the lift. With the speed of the elevator itonly took a few seconds to get to Jesse’s floor. I knocked on the door, beerunder one arm.
Thedoor opened and she stood there, looking at me in puzzlement.
“Sam? What are you doing here?” I faltered, unsure what to say.
“Igot a message from Jesse asking me over for beer and pizza,” I replied, tryingto control my already racing heart.
“But Jesse’s away for the weekend.” I pulled out my phone and checked mymessages, certain I hadn’t imagined it.
Hey man, want to come round for beer and pizza
That was all it said. But a little symbol in the corner I hadn’t noticedbefore told me that wasn’t the complete message. Maybe he’d said something elseabout coming over next weekend?
“Oh,” was all I said, and I could feel a blush start to rise on my neck.“I’ll, um, go.”
“Sam, you’re already here. Come in and we can crack open the beers.” Iwasn’t sure what to do. I knew I should turn around, walk to the lift, wait forit to take me back downstairs to my car, drive home and masturbate until ithurt. But she was standing there, holding the door open and smiling, albeit aslightly bemused smile, but a smile nonetheless. I walked in, standingawkwardly by the kitchen bench.
“How have you been?” she asked, hunting around in the one of the drawersbefore pulling out a bottle opener. I watched her slide the opener over the topof one of beer bottles and grasp it firmly, before pulling back and hearingthat welcoming exhale of air. I had never seen anything sexier.
“Yeah, good thanks,” I replied, taking the offered beer and having adecent swig. “You?”
“Yeah, I’ve been alright.” We were both silent for a few moments,sipping slowly on the beer. She leant back against the counter and crossed onedelicate ankle over the other. Her feet were bare and her white and bluepatterned sun dress made her dark skin caramelise. I mimicked her stanceagainst the opposite counter without meaning to. I looked down at my beer, andrealised I’d already drunk half of it. It had only been opened a few minutes ago.
“How’s uni and everything?” I asked, trying to break the silence.
“Uni’s good, just a lot of work in final semester.” I nodded, unsurewhat to say. She took a deep breath.
“How’s your work going? And how’s Marissa and your family?” I looked upat her.
“Marissa and I broke up, about four months ago.” I wasn’t sure whatreaction I expected but it wasn’t to see her pale.
“Are you okay?” I asked, worried she was about to be sick. I moved toher side of the bench and stood in front of her, trying to look at her face incase she was about to vomit. But she kept her head down and wouldn’t look up. Itried to ignore my frantically beating heart.
“Doyou want some water?” I asked. She shook her head, still looking down. I placedmy beer on the bench behind her and then my hand moved on its own accord. Iwatched it come underneath her chin and force her head to look up at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked again, looking straight into her gorgeous azureeyes. She bit her lip, but as she opened her mouth as if to say something Ifound myself bringing my head forward and pressing my lips against hers. Ididn’t mean to do, I swear. My hand came to curl around her cheek while theother one gripped the counter. When I realised what I was doing I pulled mymouth away and rested my forehead against hers.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, still holding on to her cheek. I moved my lipsagainst hers once more before fully stepping away and leaning back against theopposite bench. I couldn’t look at her.
“Ishould go,” I said, looking out the window. The sun had just set and cast afaint orangey glow around the kitchen.
“Doyou want to?” I heard her ask. I looked back at her and shook my head. “I don’twant you to either.” I don’t know where I found the courage, but after hearingher say she didn’t want me to leave I closed the space between us again,gripped the side of her face and pushed my mouth on hers once more. I felt herrespond. One hand came up to the side of my neck while the other one restedagainst my hip. I forced her lips to open wider, shoving my tongue in. Her owntongue was at first cautious but soon found encouragement and began caressingmine in deliciously lovingly strokes, making me moan. I moved my hands downfrom her face, sliding down her delicate shoulders to cling onto her waist, mybody pushing closer to hers, forcing her harder against the kitchen bench. Herhands began tangling within my hair, almost giving me a head massage, until oneof them came around the back of my neck and pulled me even closer.
Myhands left her waist and ran down to her thighs, which I grasped suddenly,lifting her up and placing her on the bench behind. Sitting on the bench sheopened her legs for me, wrapping one of them around my hips, drawing me closer.My hands were around her waist now, hugging her tightly as my lips started toexplore her neck, throat and collarbone. I felt rather than heard a soft moanescape from her, almost like a whimper as I gently kissed south along her neck.I arrived at her sternum and suddenly looked up at her, not sure if I wasallowed to go on. Her response was to arch her back, pushing her delectablebreasts towards my face.
Myhands came up to her shoulders and pushed the straps of her dress down. Sheshimmied her arms out of the straps and reached behind her to undo her bra. Asshe threw to the side and let her breasts fall free she bit her lip and lookedat me, as though worried what I might think. This gorgeous creature wasactually concerned with what I thought? I was the one who should beself-conscious. Her breasts were spectacular. I brought my hand up and cuppedone, relishing in the feel of her nipple harden underneath my fingers. Theywere the perfect handful. I couldn’t stop looking at them, and when Ieventually looked up, smiling, she was watching me with cautious eyes.
Ikissed her, and her lips moulded around mine, her hands back around my neck.Releasing her breast I placed one hand at the nape of her neck before runningit down her bare back, over her shoulder blades and down her spine. I felt hershiver underneath my hand. How could someone like her be so affected by mytouch?
Ibroke away from her just long enough to pull my shirt over my head and drop itto the floor. Before being able to continue kissing her though she leantforward and kissed my nipple, her hands on my waist. I closed my eyes withpleasure and let her hands roam. They moved all over my chest, leaving littletrails of fire in their wake. She ran her fingers lightly through the line ofhair that ran from my belly button to the top of my jeans and then, ever soslowly, moved her hands downward until I felt the tip of her digits brush myalready rock hard cock. I almost came right then and there and had to grit myteeth.
To my dismay she removed her hand, bringing it back up topull my mouth to hers. I decided I couldn’t wait any longer. I gently pushedher back on the counter until she was rested on her elbows. Not taking my eyesoff hers I ran my hands lightly down her waist, down her legs until at about mid-thigh I touched bare skin. I slowlymoved my hands underneath her dress. Her thighs were cool and goosebumpsappeared where my hands were. I inched higher and higher, hearing her breathquicken with every inch. Finally I touched the material of her panties andslowly but surely gripped the sides and began to pull them down. She placed onefoot on my shoulder to give herself enough leverage to push up and let me pullthem completely off, over her gorgeous feet and drop them to the floor.
I was suddenly horrendously nervous. What if I couldn’tplease her? I ducked under so her legs hung over my shoulders, bent at theknee. I gripped her hips, and pulled her closer, sliding her over the counter.And then I just looked. She was beautiful. Already slick with arousal sheseemed to glisten in the twilight. I ran one hand down her glorious pussy andfelt her shudder. When I looked up she was watching me intently, her eyeslocked on mine.
Without breaking eye contact I leant forward and gentlykissed her clitoris. Her mouth parted as she sucked in a lungful of air,gasping quickly. I kissed it again, this time bringing my tongue out to touchthe swollen bead. I heard her whimper as I started to circle her clit with mytongue. God, she tasted amazing. Salty and sweet at the same time and Icouldn’t get enough. I gripped her hips, pulling her as close to me as possibleand buried my face between her soft, velvety folds. As I picked up my pace Ifelt one of her hands grasp my hair, tugging gently in time with her buckinghips. When I looked up again she had thrown her head back, leaving her neckexposed, nipples piercing the air.
My cock was starting to hurt from being restrained, soslowly moving one hand from her hips I quickly undid my buckle and unzipped myjeans, pulling myself out. I had imagined this scenario over and over in myhead and now finally this gorgeous creating was writhing and bucking underneathmy tongue, for real. I began stroking myself, but soon had to stop for fear Iwould come, and I wanted to be inside her. I wanted my cum to stake their claiminside her.
I felt her begin to shudder and jerk suddenly, and with asoft moan directly from the throat the hard bead began throbbing between mylips. I looked up and grinned at her. She smiled and cupped one hand underneathmy chin. I kissed her clit one more time before pulling her upright, pushing mylips on hers once more.
I couldn’t wait any longer and grabbed one of her hands,guiding it down until it rested upon my boiling hot cock. She stroked it once,twice, before scooting closer to me and pressing it against where my lips hadbeen moments before. It was at just the right angle and I slowly pushed intoher. She closed her eyes and moaned softly. Her legs wrapped around my hips,locking behind me so I couldn’t escape. I pressed my hand on the counter behindher to steady us as I slowly thrust in and out of her. I couldn’t get over howeasily I went in. I could still feel her clit throbbing against my cock and Iclosed my eyes in ecstasy. When I opened them again she had leant back on herelbows, her brow slightly furrowed, mouth parted as she looked down at my cocksliding in and out of her.
I grabbed one of her ankles from behind me, pulling it upso that it rested upon my shoulder. I held one hand on her thigh, turning myhead to kiss her petite foot, while the other one held onto her hips, makingher meet me for every thrust. Her breasts bounced with the motion we made, twoglorious scoops of caramelised icecream. I moved faster and faster, my animalinstinct taking over. She lay back on the bench, hands above her head, grippinga dish towel that was behind her. I could hear myself breathing loudly as Itried to slow down, fearing I was hurting her.
But when I opened my eyes and looked at her, her facedidn’t seem as though she was hurt and the sudden cry she let out undid me. Icame suddenly, feeling myself inside her. Her muscles tightened instinctivelyaround me, holding me in place while I felt her shudder around me again.
We were still for a minute or two. I stroked up and downher soft calf that still rested upon my shoulder, looking down at her. Her eyeswere closed and she looked as if she was sleeping, a slight smile appearing onher lips. Her hands rested on the bench and I touched one softly, running myfingers up and down her wrist. She opened her eyes and sat up, moving her anklefrom my shoulder.
I eased out of her and zipped myself back into my jeans.One of her hands came to my cheek and she touched her lips softly to mine. Ipulled the straps of her dress back up and ran my hands down her arms, down toher waist. I held on to her tightly, as if she might slip away. She ran herhands through my hair and kissed my forehead.
“I know you love me,” she whispered against my hair. “Ithink I might love you too.”
“Sam,” Jesse said. I looked up from where I’d been leaning on thedoorframe, watching them. “You couldn’t get us a glass of water, could you?” Inodded mutely, walking with folded arms to the kitchen to fill a tumbler withice cold water. When I returned Jesse had thrown a blanket over her. Herringlets splayed across the pillow and her full lips were slightly parted asshe slept. She looked so peaceful.
Ihanded the glass to Jesse who took a grateful sip before placing it on hisbedside table and bending his body around hers once more.
“Thanks,man,” he said, closing his eyes to indicate he was going to sleep. I walked outof the room and down the hall to the lounge where Marissa slept on the sofa.
“Move over,” I whispered, nudging her awake. She groggily opened hereyes, frowned but shuffled forward on the couch so I could clamber behind her.Grabbing my hand she placed it around her stomach, wriggling so her back waspressed against my front.
“Night babe,” she whispered. I kissed the back of neck once and buriedmy face amongst her jet black hair.
I couldn’t get to sleep though. Marissa’s breathingeventually became deep and even, so trying not to joggle her awake I eased outfrom behind her and padded barefoot to the study.
We’d drunk a lot that night but with the sudden realisation I was inlove with someone who wasn’t my girlfriend I felt a good whisky or two wasdefinitely in order. Jesse was one of those pretentious people who loved a goodwhiskey or scotch so he’d bought a mahogany cabinet with glass doors just forthe occasion. It sat proudly, containing bottles of Jack Daniels, Red LabelJohnny Walker and other brands I hadn’t heard of. I figured he owed me oneseeing as he got to sleep with the girl I loved. I grabbed one of hisgrandfather’s crystal glasses, topped it up considerably and went out to thebalcony.
Jesse had money, but most of it came from the investment properties hisgrandfather had owned which had then passed on to Jesse when he’d died. Jessenow lived in a gorgeous apartment on the fortieth floor of a tall building nearMilson’s Point in Sydney. He overlooked Sydney Opera House and the Harbourbridge and at 1am in the morning it was remarkably serene. The breeze was slightlycold but after my first few sips of whiskey I didn’t notice.
Ijerked awake suddenly to someone saying my name. I hadn’t even realised I’dgone to sleep on the outside lounge. She was standing next to the lounge,looking at me in puzzlement.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked, wrapping Jesse’s hooded jacketaround her and folding her arms.
“Icouldn’t sleep,” I replied, before realising how stupid this soundedconsidering she had woken me up.
“Meneither,” she replied, sitting down next to me and curling her legs up.
“You seemed pretty out of it a few hours I go.” She grimaced.
“Urgh, I haven’t been that drunk in ages. Thank God it all came up. Nohangover yet though, I think I’m still a little tipsy.”
“Want another drink?” I asked, passing her my glass still half-filledwith whiskey. She took it without saying a word and had a sip.
“Isn’t this Jesse’s whiskey?” she asked after about a minute, almostaccusatorily.
Icouldn’t exactly tell her why I’d taken it so I shrugged in a non-committalway.
“Iguess it can just be our secret,” she said, taking another sip. Her lips partedto let the glass in and the amber liquid flowed down her throat, her neckmoving slightly as she swallowed. A drop was left on her bottom lip and hertongue slid out slowly to taste it. She smiled and handed the glass back to me.
“Did you have a good time tonight?” she asked, leaning back into thecouch and stretching her legs along it, closer to me. Her legs were bare and inthe darkness that is 3.30am (according to my watch) they looked a deep caramelcolour. Jesse’s jacket barely covered the top of her thighs. I wrenched mythoughts away to what lay underneath to look at her, and nodded.
“Yeah, it was fun. Your friends are awesome.”
“Marissa seems cool too. How long have you guys been together for?”
“Just over a year,” I said, although it was a struggle. I didn’t want totalk about Marissa.
“You must really love her.” I shrugged again, trying to break her eyecontact and forcing my lips shut.
“Itmust be nice to really love someone,” she said, gazing off into the distance.“Sometimes I’m not sure if Jesse really loves me. I’m not sure I really lovehim though. Do you think he loves me?” I shrugged again.
“Come on, Sam. You’re one of his best friends, surely you would knowwhat’s going on in his mind.”
“Ihonestly don’t know, we don’t talk about that kind of thing.” She sighed andclosed her eyes. I saw goosebumps start to appear along her legs. I unzipped myjacket and draped it across her knees. She smiled at me, one blonde ringletflying across her face. I longed to reach over and tuck it behind her ear, thengrasp her cheek and bring her head towards mine, touching my lips to hers,feeling her tongue caress my own…
I snapped out of my daydream asshe sidled closer, snuggling up to my left side in an effort to keep warm.
“Iknow we haven’t known each other for very long,” she started. “But I feelreally comfortable around you, Sam.”
“Likewise,” I replied, although atthat moment I was anything but. The feel of her body against mine had mestruggling to keep a hard-on at bay and I had to concentrate on my breathing.She leaned her head on my shoulder, bringing her knees up under my jacket andwrapping her arms around them. For something to do I had another large sip ofthe whiskey. We sat like that for several moments.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Why do you ask?”
“The pulse in your neck is goingcrazy.” She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine. I shrugged again,although that was harder as her head was still semi on my shoulder. Shecontinued to hold my gaze, placing a hand on my chest, over my heart. Both sheand I could feel it start pumping faster at her touch and I tried to close myeyes and steady my breathing, but with the realisation tonight that I was inlove with this woman next to me did little to tame any emotion. I trieddesperately to rationalise in my head. She’s Jesse’s girlfriend, I’ve known himmy whole life. I have a girlfriend, Marissa, who is beautiful and lovely andkind and generous and fun in the sack. Everything I look for in a woman. So whydoes this blonde beauty torture me so? Why do I want to wake up to her tomorrowmorning? Why do I want to make her coffee every day and watch the newstogether? Why am I struggling to control the animal instinct within me that istelling me to fuck this gorgeous specimen senseless?
She sighed heavily and pulled her handaway from my chest, tucking it between her thighs to keep warm. We stayed likethat for a long time. My breathing was now in control but I couldn’t get myheart to slow down. I was hyper aware of every breath she took, the slight hintof coconut that would float through the air when the breeze was just right, theslight shifting of her legs so that they now pressed against my hip and thigheven more. Her head remained on my shoulder and her hands didn’t touch me again.
Thesound of the door to the balcony sliding open made me jump. I had been lockedin my own little world, imagining the many scenarios between me and this girl.
“Babe?”
Shemoved her head from my shoulder, turning it to see who had called. Jesse stoodthere look quizzically at us. I saw her smile at him and there was a suddenrush of cold air when she stood up to go to him. She handed back my jacket witha smile and I watched Jesse slip his arm around her waist to lead her backinside. She didn’t look back, even though I couldn’t stop staring.
Ibroke up with Marissa two weeks later. It was awful. She cried a lot, sheslapped me (which hurt a lot more than the movies make it out to) and then whenshe’d finally calmed down she had a blank look in her eyes, one I don’t thinkI’d seen before and one I never wanted to see again. So I left. I walked out ofher house and I haven’t seen her since. From my Facebook stalking of herfriend’s profiles (she deleted me at once) she seems to be doing well. Therewas even one photo with a long haired guy. They looked quite snug and I felt apang of jealousy before I remembered I was the one who’d broken up with her.
Isaw Jesse a few times in the next few months, but it was always fleeting, nevera good old catch up like last time. I only saw her once with him, but shedidn’t look at me, instead waved half-heartedly and quickly drove away. Guessshe doesn’t feel as close to me as she did that night. I kept going with life,but I hated the fact that I was still in love with her. Every photo I saw onJesse’s Facebook had me staring at her until my eyes hurt, memorising everyphoto and outline of her body, face, hair. Or else I was furiously jerking offwhile playing scenarios in my head, all involving her. I couldn’t help it. Itwas as if something had taken over and made me feel things I’d never felt, dothings I’d never done and I hated my own vulnerability and the sudden inabilityto find pleasure in sleeping with other women. Although I tried, multiple timesa week, but nothing worked. I’m embarrassed to admit that she became a bit ofmy obsession and most nights would see me trying to expel this emotions andfeelings out of me.
Around four months later I got a text from Jesse asking me around forbeer and pizza. I hadn’t properly seen him in ages so I thought it would benice to get back in touch. I replied yes and later that night buzzed his numberwith a case of beer under my arm. No one answered. I buzzed again. Stillnothing.
“You trying to get in?” a voice behind me asked. The dumpy old womanbehind me was laden down with shopping bags, scrambling around in her pocketsfor her keys.
“Yes please,” I replied. She nodded without saying anything, located herkeys after dumping the contents on to the ground and opened the door. I grabbeda few of her shopping bags that she’d dropped and said “where to?” The oldwoman smiled at me, a genuine smile like she hadn’t seen kindness in a longtime.
“Level 3,” she replied. I held the door open with my foot and followedafter her, trying not to look like I was struggling with the plastic bag fullof milk. It was digging painfully into my fingers. We stood in the lift side byside, not speaking until the doors pinged open at level 3. She opened number 12and ushered me in, pointing to the kitchen table to put the bags down.
“Thank you so much for the help,” shesaid, genuinely smiling at me again. I shrugged and gave a half smile back.
“Have a good rest of your day,” I said as I walked back out, shuttingthe door behind me and waiting at the lift. With the speed of the elevator itonly took a few seconds to get to Jesse’s floor. I knocked on the door, beerunder one arm.
Thedoor opened and she stood there, looking at me in puzzlement.
“Sam? What are you doing here?” I faltered, unsure what to say.
“Igot a message from Jesse asking me over for beer and pizza,” I replied, tryingto control my already racing heart.
“But Jesse’s away for the weekend.” I pulled out my phone and checked mymessages, certain I hadn’t imagined it.
Hey man, want to come round for beer and pizza
That was all it said. But a little symbol in the corner I hadn’t noticedbefore told me that wasn’t the complete message. Maybe he’d said something elseabout coming over next weekend?
“Oh,” was all I said, and I could feel a blush start to rise on my neck.“I’ll, um, go.”
“Sam, you’re already here. Come in and we can crack open the beers.” Iwasn’t sure what to do. I knew I should turn around, walk to the lift, wait forit to take me back downstairs to my car, drive home and masturbate until ithurt. But she was standing there, holding the door open and smiling, albeit aslightly bemused smile, but a smile nonetheless. I walked in, standingawkwardly by the kitchen bench.
“How have you been?” she asked, hunting around in the one of the drawersbefore pulling out a bottle opener. I watched her slide the opener over the topof one of beer bottles and grasp it firmly, before pulling back and hearingthat welcoming exhale of air. I had never seen anything sexier.
“Yeah, good thanks,” I replied, taking the offered beer and having adecent swig. “You?”
“Yeah, I’ve been alright.” We were both silent for a few moments,sipping slowly on the beer. She leant back against the counter and crossed onedelicate ankle over the other. Her feet were bare and her white and bluepatterned sun dress made her dark skin caramelise. I mimicked her stanceagainst the opposite counter without meaning to. I looked down at my beer, andrealised I’d already drunk half of it. It had only been opened a few minutes ago.
“How’s uni and everything?” I asked, trying to break the silence.
“Uni’s good, just a lot of work in final semester.” I nodded, unsurewhat to say. She took a deep breath.
“How’s your work going? And how’s Marissa and your family?” I looked upat her.
“Marissa and I broke up, about four months ago.” I wasn’t sure whatreaction I expected but it wasn’t to see her pale.
“Are you okay?” I asked, worried she was about to be sick. I moved toher side of the bench and stood in front of her, trying to look at her face incase she was about to vomit. But she kept her head down and wouldn’t look up. Itried to ignore my frantically beating heart.
“Doyou want some water?” I asked. She shook her head, still looking down. I placedmy beer on the bench behind her and then my hand moved on its own accord. Iwatched it come underneath her chin and force her head to look up at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked again, looking straight into her gorgeous azureeyes. She bit her lip, but as she opened her mouth as if to say something Ifound myself bringing my head forward and pressing my lips against hers. Ididn’t mean to do, I swear. My hand came to curl around her cheek while theother one gripped the counter. When I realised what I was doing I pulled mymouth away and rested my forehead against hers.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, still holding on to her cheek. I moved my lipsagainst hers once more before fully stepping away and leaning back against theopposite bench. I couldn’t look at her.
“Ishould go,” I said, looking out the window. The sun had just set and cast afaint orangey glow around the kitchen.
“Doyou want to?” I heard her ask. I looked back at her and shook my head. “I don’twant you to either.” I don’t know where I found the courage, but after hearingher say she didn’t want me to leave I closed the space between us again,gripped the side of her face and pushed my mouth on hers once more. I felt herrespond. One hand came up to the side of my neck while the other one restedagainst my hip. I forced her lips to open wider, shoving my tongue in. Her owntongue was at first cautious but soon found encouragement and began caressingmine in deliciously lovingly strokes, making me moan. I moved my hands downfrom her face, sliding down her delicate shoulders to cling onto her waist, mybody pushing closer to hers, forcing her harder against the kitchen bench. Herhands began tangling within my hair, almost giving me a head massage, until oneof them came around the back of my neck and pulled me even closer.
Myhands left her waist and ran down to her thighs, which I grasped suddenly,lifting her up and placing her on the bench behind. Sitting on the bench sheopened her legs for me, wrapping one of them around my hips, drawing me closer.My hands were around her waist now, hugging her tightly as my lips started toexplore her neck, throat and collarbone. I felt rather than heard a soft moanescape from her, almost like a whimper as I gently kissed south along her neck.I arrived at her sternum and suddenly looked up at her, not sure if I wasallowed to go on. Her response was to arch her back, pushing her delectablebreasts towards my face.
Myhands came up to her shoulders and pushed the straps of her dress down. Sheshimmied her arms out of the straps and reached behind her to undo her bra. Asshe threw to the side and let her breasts fall free she bit her lip and lookedat me, as though worried what I might think. This gorgeous creature wasactually concerned with what I thought? I was the one who should beself-conscious. Her breasts were spectacular. I brought my hand up and cuppedone, relishing in the feel of her nipple harden underneath my fingers. Theywere the perfect handful. I couldn’t stop looking at them, and when Ieventually looked up, smiling, she was watching me with cautious eyes.
Ikissed her, and her lips moulded around mine, her hands back around my neck.Releasing her breast I placed one hand at the nape of her neck before runningit down her bare back, over her shoulder blades and down her spine. I felt hershiver underneath my hand. How could someone like her be so affected by mytouch?
Ibroke away from her just long enough to pull my shirt over my head and drop itto the floor. Before being able to continue kissing her though she leantforward and kissed my nipple, her hands on my waist. I closed my eyes withpleasure and let her hands roam. They moved all over my chest, leaving littletrails of fire in their wake. She ran her fingers lightly through the line ofhair that ran from my belly button to the top of my jeans and then, ever soslowly, moved her hands downward until I felt the tip of her digits brush myalready rock hard cock. I almost came right then and there and had to grit myteeth.
To my dismay she removed her hand, bringing it back up topull my mouth to hers. I decided I couldn’t wait any longer. I gently pushedher back on the counter until she was rested on her elbows. Not taking my eyesoff hers I ran my hands lightly down her waist, down her legs until at about mid-thigh I touched bare skin. I slowlymoved my hands underneath her dress. Her thighs were cool and goosebumpsappeared where my hands were. I inched higher and higher, hearing her breathquicken with every inch. Finally I touched the material of her panties andslowly but surely gripped the sides and began to pull them down. She placed onefoot on my shoulder to give herself enough leverage to push up and let me pullthem completely off, over her gorgeous feet and drop them to the floor.
I was suddenly horrendously nervous. What if I couldn’tplease her? I ducked under so her legs hung over my shoulders, bent at theknee. I gripped her hips, and pulled her closer, sliding her over the counter.And then I just looked. She was beautiful. Already slick with arousal sheseemed to glisten in the twilight. I ran one hand down her glorious pussy andfelt her shudder. When I looked up she was watching me intently, her eyeslocked on mine.
Without breaking eye contact I leant forward and gentlykissed her clitoris. Her mouth parted as she sucked in a lungful of air,gasping quickly. I kissed it again, this time bringing my tongue out to touchthe swollen bead. I heard her whimper as I started to circle her clit with mytongue. God, she tasted amazing. Salty and sweet at the same time and Icouldn’t get enough. I gripped her hips, pulling her as close to me as possibleand buried my face between her soft, velvety folds. As I picked up my pace Ifelt one of her hands grasp my hair, tugging gently in time with her buckinghips. When I looked up again she had thrown her head back, leaving her neckexposed, nipples piercing the air.
My cock was starting to hurt from being restrained, soslowly moving one hand from her hips I quickly undid my buckle and unzipped myjeans, pulling myself out. I had imagined this scenario over and over in myhead and now finally this gorgeous creating was writhing and bucking underneathmy tongue, for real. I began stroking myself, but soon had to stop for fear Iwould come, and I wanted to be inside her. I wanted my cum to stake their claiminside her.
I felt her begin to shudder and jerk suddenly, and with asoft moan directly from the throat the hard bead began throbbing between mylips. I looked up and grinned at her. She smiled and cupped one hand underneathmy chin. I kissed her clit one more time before pulling her upright, pushing mylips on hers once more.
I couldn’t wait any longer and grabbed one of her hands,guiding it down until it rested upon my boiling hot cock. She stroked it once,twice, before scooting closer to me and pressing it against where my lips hadbeen moments before. It was at just the right angle and I slowly pushed intoher. She closed her eyes and moaned softly. Her legs wrapped around my hips,locking behind me so I couldn’t escape. I pressed my hand on the counter behindher to steady us as I slowly thrust in and out of her. I couldn’t get over howeasily I went in. I could still feel her clit throbbing against my cock and Iclosed my eyes in ecstasy. When I opened them again she had leant back on herelbows, her brow slightly furrowed, mouth parted as she looked down at my cocksliding in and out of her.
I grabbed one of her ankles from behind me, pulling it upso that it rested upon my shoulder. I held one hand on her thigh, turning myhead to kiss her petite foot, while the other one held onto her hips, makingher meet me for every thrust. Her breasts bounced with the motion we made, twoglorious scoops of caramelised icecream. I moved faster and faster, my animalinstinct taking over. She lay back on the bench, hands above her head, grippinga dish towel that was behind her. I could hear myself breathing loudly as Itried to slow down, fearing I was hurting her.
But when I opened my eyes and looked at her, her facedidn’t seem as though she was hurt and the sudden cry she let out undid me. Icame suddenly, feeling myself inside her. Her muscles tightened instinctivelyaround me, holding me in place while I felt her shudder around me again.
We were still for a minute or two. I stroked up and downher soft calf that still rested upon my shoulder, looking down at her. Her eyeswere closed and she looked as if she was sleeping, a slight smile appearing onher lips. Her hands rested on the bench and I touched one softly, running myfingers up and down her wrist. She opened her eyes and sat up, moving her anklefrom my shoulder.
I eased out of her and zipped myself back into my jeans.One of her hands came to my cheek and she touched her lips softly to mine. Ipulled the straps of her dress back up and ran my hands down her arms, down toher waist. I held on to her tightly, as if she might slip away. She ran herhands through my hair and kissed my forehead.
“I know you love me,” she whispered against my hair. “Ithink I might love you too.”
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